Merry Christmas miracles.... !

This Christmas season is one Emily and I will surely remember for the rest of our lives!!!!!!
long story short: our pregnancy test came up positive today and yesterday!!!!!!!! I will write more about this soon but I wanted to get this out today - Christmas day! Em and I still are in disbelief -- we absolutely want to see our doctor when we get back to confirm! (That is if my period doesn't show up first!). It will be a miracle if our first attempt at insemination with the most minuscule amount of injected sperm made it to the end zone! There was a persevering little bugger in there! The chances for this to have happened was around 5% apparently! what?! Anyway, Em or I or both of us will write more soon on our thoughts, feelings and moments before and after the big positive showed up! Please please please do not be a false positive! Pleeeeease!
If i didn't believe in miracles before i surely do now!!
Merry Merry Christmas! I know this will be a Christmas I will never forget for many reasons but this reason tops the list!
fingers crossed and hope alive,
Jackie

Fingers are crossed...

...and toes and eyes and whatever else we are able to cross....

The ELEVENTH day of DECEMBER TWO THOUSAND and EIGHT has turned out to be a very big day for us!! An historical day, if you will. A day which reiterates our commitment to one another and a day which emphasizes the fact that we want to build a future together… a family together. Yup, that’s right!! WE were inseminated!!!!! Ok, technically I was inseminated but I say “we” because we are doing this together as a team and as a family of two in hopes of a family of more-to-come!

Here is a summary of the events that lead up to this monumental day:

On Wednesday December 3^rd I emailed our cryobank and requested that they send us one of the three “straws” to our huisarts (house doctor). A straw, as you likely have guessed, is what is holding the contents of little spermies! The cyrobank shipped the goods on Thursday which promptly arrived on Friday morning 5 December to our huisarts.

The next day, 6 December , Em and I picked up a new ovulation kit which helps predict the 24-ish or so hours before you ovulate. Note: December 6 was CD 10 (cycle day 10 – if you don’t know about what this mean feel free to google -- but essentially tracking your cycle days helps pinpoint the likelihood of when a woman may be about to ovulate). I started tracking around CD 10/11 and continued until we had to buy more predictors. The ovulation kit we were relying on most gives a big ‘ol smiley if you are about to ovulate otherwise you just get a blank face – technically, a big fat ZERO. Throughout these checks Em and I were getting more and more frustrated and worried about the possibility I may not actually ovulate. Worst case scenario would have been that I’m infertile! Every single time I’d gracefully pee on a stick we’d sit there and stare at the damn thing counting down and watching it tease us with its little blinking digital “processing” sign… one big fat zero after another. I felt worried and scared that the container down the street holding our possible hopes and dreams may be wasted. The container only had a two week life span. Em and I thought that it’s possible that my LH hormone (the Luteinizing Hormone) which helps predict the ovulation occurrence may be weak or we just missed it. We decided that we should inseminate on Thursday or Friday as those are the best days to try. Well, Thursday the 11th rolls around (CD15) - Em went to work and I decided to work from home before meeting Em at 1.30pm at our doctor’s office. I was worried because I tested again around 8.30am and another big fat zero was staring at us in the face. I decided to try one last time at 11.30am. There I am, in the bathroom, looking at the blinking stick as it processes my unassuming yet all-knowing urine. The 3-5 minute wait felt like forever so I began tidying up the bathroom as one does when waiting for urine to process… and lo and behold… my quick glance turned into a double take and then a triple take and then into an unbelieving stare… Holy Mary Mother of WOOHOO it’s a SMILEY!!! I cannot tell you how excited I was!!! I started running up and down the bathroom (keep in mind when I say run it really is a brisk walk two paces up and two paces back in our bathroom.) saying “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!!” over and over. I immediately run to my phone and call Emily knowing she couldn’t answer the phone - I left a message.

At the Dr's office:

Dr H summons us from the waiting room to the backroom and she pulls out this humungo rubbage-bin lookalike container! It weighed at least 40lbs! After Dr H figured out how to open up the darn thing there was another container – it looked a bit like a stout helium container. Once the top was opened and the fog lifted (dry ice vapors) Dr H pulled out the contents. Our measly yet potent sperm filled straw was there before our very eyes. This is, of course, not the most romantic way to get this done but it’s the way that we felt (or thought) was right for this initial insemination. And there we all are – waiting for the straw to thaw in warm water for 5 minutes. So, I’m on the table, and Dr H is attempting to get the sperm out of the straw and into a syringe. Not a smooth process; as it turns out we (or the Dr) didn’t have all the right equipment to do the insemination as properly as it could have been or should have been. This wasn't our Dr's fault as she is not a fertility clinic Dr. Plus, we thought the syringe/catheter would have been included in the delivery. nope.

After squeezing out every little bit of spermies I stayed planted to the table with legs up in the air hoping that those little guys were making their way down the path and into, hopefully, the final home stretch. Once we came home Em was a star...she made sure I was back on my back, packing and fluffing up the pillows behind my head and making me as comfortable as possible. The day was very surreal and in some ways it still very much is for me! It’s hit me but it hasn’t! What I do know is that I am with the love of my life and that I want to have a family with Em… and thus, the road to that goal has begun. Now we just need to see if this first time will truly be a miracle.. and if not, we will continue to work our way to building that family together. Thank you Emily for your love and support and for being by my side and being my friend and, most of all, for being you; my love. -j.

Historical Victory

Today is an historical day - Barack Obama is going to be our next President!!! A record number of voters turned out yesterday, over 133 million. Voter turnout hasn't been this high in over 40 years.

Jackie and I have been waiting for this day for a long time as our veneration for Obama has steadily grown. Last night we attended an election party at Boom Chicago which was sponsored by Democrats Abroad. We had a wonderful night of comedy, dinner and TV watching with a big group of Americans - interestingly enough there were also many Dutch viewers which really reminded me that this election is of worldwide proportions and interest. As I've been biking around with my little Obama sign, I could only wait and hope that my fervor for Obama would be matched by the election results. We mailed our ballots to VA a few weeks ago and it feels great to know they counted (they better count those absentee ballots!)!!

It's so hard to express the joy I felt last night when Obama won. We left the party at 4am and turned the TV on right away. Right after 5am, it was clear Obama won and I did a jumping dance in the living room! I've never felt so happy about a political decision! We elected our first African-American president!

Since this is a baby blog, I must mention how this election makes me feel more encouraged about our lives as parents in an Obama presidency, even if we live in Amsterdam for another year or two. It's hard to articulate but I feel more optimistic about our future which soon will include the future of our baby.

The past 8 years are over and we can move forward and make some great changes!! Now the countdown to January 20 is on!!

YES WE CAN!!

Swimmers Saved!!

Yep, that's right!  We just saved three vials of one of our top donors!!  For the past couple of weeks we have been checking out donors and last night Jackie had a dream about one of them.  When she checked out the site today and saw a decrease in vials (from 24 to 11 in three days!) we decided it would be a good idea to save a few.

Now it's time to plan the first insemination!!

If we have a boy....

We are NOT circumcising him.  I think it is an unnecessary cosmetic surgery performed on a perfect little baby.  I could never imagine torturing my baby with such a procedure right after a birth.

E

Donor Sibling Registry

Ok, so Tanya was watching Oprah last week and it was about the Donor Sibling Registry which helps, "assist individuals conceived as a result of sperm, egg or embryo donation that are seeking to make mutually desired contact with others with whom they share genetic ties."  I just joined the registry site and some of the donors from one of the banks we like have produced children!  Our kids most likely will have donor siblings out there!!  I already figured this would be the case but seeing them listed is pretty interesting.  We could select a donor by using the registry - we know the sperm produced a child!!  The site is also really helpful because it lists so many sperm banks so now I know of more to check out.  I am feeling like the Danish ones are the way we'll go with this first little one.  There aren't really any other options here.  I've thought finding Filipino (or Indian) sperm for me might be a bit more challenging but parents who have extra vials can sell them on this site so all we'd need to do (if we can't find any from a bank) is contact a parent with an extra vial!

E

28 Sentences

I got this idea from another blog and thought it would be fun to do. Below are 28 sentences (or more) about each year of my life.

79-80 I am born 2 weeks early in Concord, MA to my happy parents who tried for 5 years to have me.

80-81 I am a baby living in Lexington, MA who enjoys playing with my dog Champagne

81-82 I name my grandparents Tamma & Bumpa - lucky for me, they live very close by in the house my mom grew up in.

82-83 Jared is born on March 25, 1982 and I become a big sister!

83-84 Bumpa dies and I think his arms & legs were cut off because his "body" is in the casket (my mom clarifies that Bumpa was not in pieces).

84-85 After Montessori school, I go to Jr. Kindergarten at the Meadowbrook School in Weston, MA where my Dad is a teacher.

85-86 My "best friend" gets me in trouble and sends me to time out in Sr. Kindergarten, I am not happy about this! I also start taking ice skating lessons.

86-87 I change schools to Estabrook Elementary in Lexington, MA for 1st grade where I perform Aesop's fables.

87-88 I join Jared at Belmont Day School in Belmont, MA. I am in the Christmas Revels, an experience I will cherish forever. I find out a secret about Santa too. Big year!

88-89 In 3rd grade I like performing in plays and I continue my skating lessons (usually in the 2 french braids my mom gives me).

89-90 Like usual, we summer in Maine but this year we participate in a Blue Fishing Tournament! I'm better at being seasick than fishing.

90-91 In 5th grade, I try out and make it on to the Ice Cubes, a precision skating team. I travel without my parents to win the championship in Anchorage Alaska!

91-92 In 6th grade, my skating team wins the championship in Helsinki, Finland. I am in my school play and sing a solo in, "Fiddler on the Roof" and I graduate from Belmont Day.

92-93 I am nervous starting 7th grade at Diamond Middle School in Lexington, MA but it doesn't take long to feel comfortable because I recognize my friends from 1st grade. I skate on the Ice Mates team for older girls.

93-94 I start to experience back pain and end up quitting the skating team. I have time to be involved in new activities like the student counsel and soccer. I studied French and went to Annecy, France for a 2 week exchange.

94-95 In 9th grade at Lexington High School, I continued to participate in student counsel and I enjoyed singing in chorus.

95-96 I am the first of my friends to get my license (on the 2nd try) and I have a Sweet 16 party with a Karaoke DJ.

96-97 In 11th grade, I took th SATs (did this twice too!) and we went on a family vacation visiting potential colleges for me.

97-98 As a Sr. At LHS, I was still on the student counsel, I was in the movement ensemble of the school play and I graduated!

98-99 I move to Northampton MA to attend Smith College where I take Psychology courses, participate in Cushing house counsel and Smith Chorale. (I also begin to come out).

99-00 During my Sophomore year, I finalized my Psychology major and also enjoyed Sociology and French classes. I worked at the Career Development Office and began to think about spending my Jr. Year abroad.

00-01 I turned 21 at the beginning of my Jr year. I was a Social Chair in my house counsel and continue to work at the CDO. I spend my 2nd semester in Adelaide Australia!! I travel to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth and Uluru.

01-02 My birthday is forever changed, I have a great year with my friends and graduate from Smith with a degree in Psychology. In August 2002, I move to VA to start working at AOL on the expressions team.

02-03 My mom is diagnosed with a meningioma brain tumor and she has a successful surgery on September 9, 2003 which removes the tumor - the best birthday present was having my mom back.

03-04 I go home frequently to see my mom's recovery which is very speedy! My life in VA is going well, I get promoted at AOL and buy a condo in Reston.

04-05 I get laid off in December, right before Christmas with a new condo!! I work at Nextel on a contract during the summer, contemplate a career change and settle (I know bad) for something easier so I can remain in my condo.

05-06 On October 11, 2005, my friend Julie gives birth to her son Parker and I become his every other weekend overnight nanny! I get a new people oriented job in Arlington, VA. And in August of 2006, I meet Jackie through mutual friends and we instantly hit it off. Jackie flies home to Amsterdam, NL and we spend lots of time getting to know each other and falling in love.

06-07 Jackie travels to VA quite frequently for work in Cali so we are lucky to spend time together. Realizing I can see a future with Jackie, I tell her one of us needs to move in order for us to move forward in our relationship. LUCKY ME! I quit my job, rent out my condo any by September I move to Amsterdam!!!

07-08 I move in with my first ever girlfriend in a totally new country! The winter is incredibly long, dark and rainy making the adjustment hard but my brother comes to visit which is great! I get a job as an Online Project Manager at an Advertising Agency. My parents make their first ever trip to Europe!! Life is good and getting better because we are planning to have a LittleWazz:-)

E

Tummy Tub

Check out this womb like tub that saves space too!

E

"Yeah we need to do that sperm thing"

"Yeah we need to do that sperm thing", Jackie says as I log on to our fave Euro sperm bank site. About two weeks ago there were a bunch - at least four, potential open donors we thought matched our criteria. Now there is one!!! So we sorted by open donors and there are only five with available sperm right now! It is a popular time to buy sperm I guess!

I can't remember if I mentioned the one year waiting list here in Amsterdam for Dutch sperm, but yah, one year!! We are going to go on the list, but we prefer not to wait a whole year. It's a law here (and in some other European countries) for all donors to be open so now there is a sperm shortage.

So the search continues as it will for a few more months!

E

Spermariffic ! !

So, our adventure continues with something neither Em nor I can ever truly posses or produce in any way shape or form no matter how hard we try... sperm. The "S" word, in this case, is a good word... and a bad word. Good in that it's a necessary part of the baby-making recipe... bad in that we have to go through this whole expensive and time consuming process of finding a 'respectable' donor.
Designer baby? well, kinda. Not by our choice but at the same time, by our choice. Ironic, isn't it?
Em and I have discussed a few times if we want the donor to be 'open' or 'anonymous'. Lately most countries around the world only accept 'open' donors - therefore, there has been a shortage of donors. Why? Well, one simple reason... most men do not want 20 of 'his' children come aknocking on his door 18 or so years later. There are a few countries that allow for *both* open and anonymous. However, we are opting for an 'open' donor. We would like for our child(ren) to have the option to look up their 'father' if they have that need or desire. We do not want to deny them that right. One reason we like the cryobanks which allow for the donor to decide if they want to be 'open' or 'anonymous' is because they are not forced into it, it is their own choice. We've been lucky to 'hear' and 'read' about some of the donors and why they have chosen to be open. One example: A man just had his first child and the realization of just what a beautiful gift a child is hit him... he then realized that he wanted to help others who could not conceive a baby on their own.
He rocks. Why can't there be more giving and selfless people in the world?!

So, Em and I have asked ourselves what do we want to look for in the sperm donor. Well, since I am the one (hopefully) conceiving first - we want someone that has some characteristics and traits of Em. Recently we started noticing some (maybe all) cryobanks list the "Myers-Briggs" personality type of the donor. Cool!!! Em is an ENFP. I am an INFP. (I mostly agree with this assessment). We want a caucasian since Em is a whitey. ;) And we are looking into the background (health) of them. While we are aware this is a bit designer, if we have the 'luxury' of choosing then why shouldn't we? What we do want, most of all, is a healthy baby. We'll keep you posted on the sperm donation progress... stay tuned!
-j.

First Doctor Consultation

It's Em here! On Monday morning, we biked around the corner to our huisarts (neighborhood GP) for our first chance to ask questions about becoming pregnant in the Netherlands. We found out that our doctor can help us with an ICI (intracervical insemination), which is when the donor sperm is placed in the cervix, right before Jackie is about to ovulate. Our doc told us we have a 6 hour window of prime baby making time!! We are advised to try ICI 3 times and then try IUI (intrauterine insemination) which is when donor sperm is placed in the uterus. I am still doing research about this because I think we can inseminate 2 times per cycle with ICI which would increase our chances.

To prepare, Jackie is (supposed to be) taking folic acid already! I think our doctor was impressed by this and Jackie's efforts of tracking her temperature to find the spike which indicates ovulation. We need a few months of data to make a good ovulation prediction! We are both working out more so we are healthy for the first littlewazz:-)

Now, it's time to find a donor!

E

... and the adventure begins...

Excitement is what first crossed our minds when we began talks of creating a family together. However, first thing's first... the logistics of just exactly how do two women create a family together needed to be addressed. Lots of research (thank you bloggers and google!!) on how many other families have gone about this process was vast... more than you'd ever know! Then the questions came about... do we want to know the donor? (no, not if we can help it). Who is going to have the first baby? (Jackie, cuz her eggs are dying out first!). Where are we gonna get that sperm from?? (a cryobank in Europe? in the US?). When shall we start?(late in 2009. No wait, mid 2009. No wait, Jackie is NOT getting any younger -ok then, late 2008 or very early 2009 it is!). And even more logistical questions such as 'how the heck does it work in the Netherlands?!'. two words: dutch midwife. two more words: no painkillers. two more questions: can we import a US doctor with a large needle? can someone knock Jackie out during labor and someone else take her place?.
Oh, and did we mention they push (no pun intended) for home births in NL?? Emily would love this but Jackie would not be able to handle the mess at all.
...and so the adventure begins!!!
love, Jackie and Emily